Making September Conversations Easier: Handling Tricky Colleagues with Emotional Intelligence

September can feel like a cold plunge. After holidays, routines reset, inboxes overflow and old tensions resurface. If the thought of facing a tricky colleague knots your stomach, you’re not alone. The good news: you don’t need to change anyone’s personality to make work feel lighter. You can change how you ‘show up’, how you listen, and how you steer conversations. Here’s a practical guide, rooted in emotional intelligence, to help you do just that.

Self-awareness: notice your weather before you sail

• Check your state. Before a tough chat, ask: What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it? Naming it (“I’m anxious and tight in my chest”) reduces its grip.
• Separate facts from stories. “Sam ignored my idea” (fact) vs. “Sam doesn’t respect me” (story). Work with facts in the conversation; explore stories privately or with a trusted peer.
• Know your triggers. If interruptions spark anger, say to yourself: “This is a trigger, not a threat.” Plan a response like, “I’m keen to finish the point; then I’m all ears.”

Example: You feel dismissed when a colleague talks over you in meetings. 

Self-aware prep: “I value being heard. My request is to finish my points. I’ll keep my tone steady, and I’ll bring one example.”

Awareness of others: listen for the need beneath the behavior. People act from needs: certainty, status, belonging, autonomy, fairness. A brusque teammate may be overwhelmed, not hostile. Get curious before getting conclusive.

• Observe, then reflect. “In the last two meetings, you jumped in before I finished. I imagine you’re trying to keep things moving?”
• Ask open questions. “What pressures are you under right now?” “What would make collaboration easier for you?”
• Watch signals. Fast speech, crossed arms, clipped emails – these may be stress, not disrespect. 

Authenticity: be clear and kind at the same time. Kind isn’t the same as nice. Nice avoids discomfort. Kind tells the truth without edge.

• Use simple, clean language: “When you [behavior], I feel [emotion] because [impact]. I’d like [specific request].”
• Show your values. “I care about our deadlines and our relationship. Can we agree on how we handle feedback?”
• Drop the mask, not your professionalism. It’s okay to say, “This is a bit uncomfortable for me, but it matters.” 

Example opener: “When deadlines move without a heads-up, I feel stressed because I juggle client calls. Could we agree to flag changes a day in advance?”

Emotional reasoning: let feelings inform, not dominate. Feelings are data, not directives. Combine them with evidence.

• Use the Situation–Behavior–Impact frame: “On Tuesday’s call (situation), when you laughed as I presented (behavior), I felt undermined and lost the group’s attention (impact).”
• Test alternate stories. “What else could be true about their delay?” Maybe a system outage, not indifference.
• Aim for outcomes. Ask yourself: What do I want after this conversation – respect, clarity, a boundary? Guide the talk toward that.

Self-management: keep your nervous system on your side. Your body is your instrument; tune it.

• Before: two minutes of box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4). Drop your shoulders. Plant your feet.
• During: exhale longer than you inhale; it calms your system. If heat rises, pause: “I want to give this the thought it deserves. Can we take five and reconvene at 2:15?”
• After: debrief yourself. What worked? What would I try differently? Reward the attempt, not just the outcome.

 Mindfulness in micro-doses

• Commute reset: notice five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. It grounds you fast.
• Meeting mantra: “I can be calm, clear, and kind.” Repeat silently when tension spikes. 

Positive influence: lead the tone, not just the task. You can’t control others, but you can set conditions that make good behavior easier.

• Praise in public, coach in private. Catch people doing something right; it increases the odds they’ll repeat it.
• Invite partnership: “I’m trying to get better at how we hand over work. What’s one thing I could do that would help you?”
• Summarize agreements: “So we’ll share draft timelines by Thursday noon. I’ll send a recap.” Follow-through builds trust.
• Don’t feed the gossip loop. If a chat turns into venting, pivot: “What’s one step we can take to improve this?”

When it’s truly hard: boundaries and tough decisions. Sometimes the most emotionally intelligent move is to step back – or out.

• Set clear boundaries. “I’m happy to discuss solutions. I’m not okay with raised voices. If that happens, I’ll pause the meeting.”
• Escalate thoughtfully. Document dates, behaviors, impacts, and what you requested. Seek a neutral adviser (mentor, HR, coach).
• Know your red lines. Consider leaving if: your health is declining (sleep, panic, dread), your values are consistently compromised, or you’ve tried reasonable steps and nothing changes.
• Plan exists with dignity. Line up support, protect your energy, and leave bridges intact. Choosing yourself isn’t quitting; it’s leading.

 A 3-minute conversation prep

• Purpose: What outcome do I want? (Clarity on deadlines, agreement on meeting norms.)
• People: What might they need or fear? What do I need? How can we both win?
• Proposal: What exactly am I asking for? By when? How will we measure it?

Starter phrases you can steal

• “I might be missing something. Can you walk me through your thinking?”
• “When X happens, I experience Y. Could we try Z?” ● “What would good look like from your perspective?”
• “Let’s write down who’s doing what by when so we don’t rely on memory.”

Final thought 

I remember a particularly stressful moment in my career a few years ago when I was a real-estate manager and driving home one Saturday thinking “Even though my work environment seems against me right now, my family and friends have zero to do with this and they will love and respect me whatever day I’m having.” It reminded me at that moment, that if I were to die, my company would replace me in the blink of an eye but the people closest to me would miss me forever (well, I hope so!). This put it into perspective for me. 

September is a reset. Treat difficult conversations as reps, not reckonings. With a little more self-awareness, a little more curiosity, and a lot more clarity, you can turn tension into a working rhythm you don’t dread. Be calm, be clear, be kind and remember that how you show up is often the most powerful lever you have.

Find out more here: https://collectivevox.app

Jeremy Williams | September 2025.