“If your inner voice was a real person, would you want it to be your friend?”
We often feel happy, excited, and sad. These are called emotions. Emotions are like a colourful palette of our inner world. They are like the superheroes of our feelings. Most of our decisions are based on our emotions.
According to Paul Ekman (1992), there are six basic emotions – anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. Each emotion plays a vital role in an individual’s life. However, there are other emotions as well which may vary from culture to culture. Understanding one’s and other’s emotions and feelings is often referred to as emotional intelligence. “Emotional intelligence involves competencies related to understanding and managing one’s own emotions, understanding others’ emotions, developing and maintaining satisfying relationships with others, and channelling one’s emotional energy to create a positive self” (Anand, 2017).
According to Goleman (2002), there are four major components of Emotional Intelligence- self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management.
Emotional intelligence is one of the important factors for personal growth and development. People nowadays have started understanding that the path to success not just requires high scores on intelligence tests but high emotional intelligence as well. Apart from emotional intelligence, emotional maturity is also very important for an individual to reach and attain their full potential and personal development. However, both the terms are often seen to be used interchangeably.
While both the terms- emotional intelligence and emotional maturity share some common ground – understanding of feelings and emotions of one’s own self and that of others – they are two different terms that contribute to an individual’s overall well-being and interpersonal relationships and also helps a person in their path to reach their full potential.
Emotional Intelligence
Achieving high levels of emotional intelligence is like having a toolbox with various tools that help in handling and understanding one’s own feelings and those of others. These various tools are:
1. Self-awareness: Knowing the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of our feelings.
2. Self-regulation: The art of mastering our emotions instead of our emotions mastering us.
3. Social awareness: Understanding the ‘how’ and ‘why’ about other’s feelings.
4. Relationship management: Our ability to build good connections with others and handle conflicts well.
Emotional Maturity
Being emotionally mature is being able to control one’s actions and emotions effectively. However, emotional maturity is not the same as behaviour control. Instead of teaching us to suppress our feelings, emotional maturity teaches us how to express them effectively. A person with emotional maturity is adaptable, flexible, and responsible in both their thoughts and behaviours. (Rai & Khanal, 2017)
Emotional maturity considers self-actualisation and personal development in a complete sense. Emotional maturity is like the wise old wizard of feelings. It is like a treasure box full of life skills through which we are guided and trained in making smart decisions and handling complex situations thereby resulting in personal development. EM encompasses personal growth at a broader level and includes the development of wisdom, resilience and a more holistic approach to life
The concept of emotional maturity can be easily understood by breaking it into two components:
- Component of being a life explorer- Being emotionally mature is more than just handling feelings but also learning from the experiences which makes us wiser with each adventure and life journey thrilling.
- Component of being a decision architect- Being high on emotional maturity also means building strong decision castles for ourselves and making choices that are not just good for today but also for the future. It’s like being the boss of our decisions.
What is the difference between two constituents of emotional development – Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity?
Both Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity are like two different characters in our personal growth story. It is often seen that a person who is emotionally intelligent is not always emotionally mature. However, an emotionally mature person is always emotionally intelligent.
Emotional Intelligence basically involves the understanding of emotions whereas Emotional Maturity usually involves the application of emotionally perceived knowledge. Emotional Maturity has nothing to do with age. A person becomes emotionally mature with experiences.
Emotional Intelligence usually involves dealing with immediate emotional skills. However, Emotional Maturity usually involves a holistic approach to life skills. For example, Emotional Intelligence might help us in a tricky conversation. However, it is Emotional Maturity that helps us in making smart choices and adapt to challenging circumstances.
We often wonder how and why Emotional Intelligence matters. High Emotional Intelligence leads us to a magical road to success by helping us in effective communication, building healthy relationships, and navigating social situations.
Emotional Maturity, on the other hand, includes a broader scope of personal growth. It is like having a guide for making good life decisions. It usually involves:
1. Wisdom: Usually involves learning from the past experiences which leads us to make smart choices.
2. Resilience: positive adaptation despite adversity (Luthar, 2006)
3. Balanced perspective: Mainly involves focusing on the bigger picture and not just focusing on the current moment.
Emotional Maturity is mostly about ‘growing up’ and learning to deal calmly with the ups and downs of life. It majorly helps us in making decisions that are good not just for the present but also for our future. Being emotionally mature basically means we can ‘face challenges with courage and handle responsibilities well.’
Applications of Emotional Intelligence
1. Interpersonal Relationships:
Strong Emotional Intelligence aids in creating and sustaining healthy relationships. For instance, a person with a high Emotional Intelligence is able to understand what the other person is feeling and can be able to view things from their point of view. This also helps in the proper expression of their feelings which results in a stronger connection.
2. Workplace Dynamics:
In the workplace, Emotional Intelligence is the tool that promotes efficient teamwork, leadership, and conflict resolution. For instance, we see that many times people do not like leaders who do not understand them, or constantly command them. Motivators like job satisfaction and recognition which according to Frederick Herzberg’s two factors theory (1982), result in satisfaction and fulfil personal needs like meaning and personal growth. These motivators are usually intrinsic and not extrinsic. A good leader is one who understands their team members and creates strategies to intrinsically motivate them. She/he can understand and manage the emotions of their team members which leads to a positive work environment.
3. Stress Management:
Emotional Intelligence can also help individuals to cope with their life problems and stress. For example, people with high Emotional Intelligence can understand what they are feeling, recognise the stimuli (any agent, event, or situation—internal or external—that elicits a response from an organism, APA, 2018) that leads to stress, regulate their emotions, and practice healthy coping strategies to navigate challenging situations.
Applications of Emotional Maturity
1. Decision Making:
Research reveals that emotions constitute potent, pervasive, predictable, sometimes harmful and sometimes beneficial drivers of decision-making. Across different domains, important regularities appear in the mechanisms through which emotions influence judgments and choices (Lerner, Li, Valdesolo & Kassam, 2014). Emotional maturity plays an important role in influencing our decision-making abilities. Emotional Maturity helps us to make wise choices that align with our values and long-term goals. For example, emotionally mature people always consider the consequences of their actions. They investigate various options and alternatives before making any decisions.
2. Resilience:
Emotional Maturity helps in developing resilience against any kind of adversity or life problems. For example, people high on emotional maturity might suffer from post-traumatic stress for a while but they are usually high believers in post-traumatic growth. They can adapt and grow through setbacks, can learn from their mistakes, and can always maintain a positive attitude even during difficult periods.
3. Life Satisfaction:
Life satisfaction refers to “a person’s cognitive and affective evaluations of his or her life” (Diener et al., 2002). Emotional Maturity is one of the important factors that contribute to achieving overall life satisfaction and well-being. For example, people high on emotional maturity tend to have a balanced view of life. They usually focus on gratitude, personal growth, and creating meaningful relationships which are also the major components of Seligman’s PERMA model of well-being.
“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one”
This famous quote suggests that knowledge and skills in various domains are sometimes more advantageous than specialising in a single domain. Similarly combining both the forces, Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity together are like jack of all trades because these skills help us in various domains. This denotes the importance of having a well-rounded emotional skillset.
How Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity work together in real-life settings
Effective Communication:
Coupling Emotional Intelligence with Emotional Maturity enhances communication. People who are highly emotionally intelligent communicate and express clearly their thoughts and feelings. But people who are highly emotionally mature, try to ensure that their communication reflects other people’s emotions.
Conflict Resolution:
Emotional Intelligence helps us understand the emotional basis of conflicts whereas high levels of emotional maturity help us to deal with conflicts in a more mature way. This is usually achieved by being empathetic and focusing on finding a middle ground or mutually reasonable solutions.
Personal Growth:
Together, Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity create a powerful synergy for personal growth. Emotional intelligence provides us with the tools to understand and manage our emotions. On the other hand, emotional maturity encourages and empowers us to make wise judgments and overcome life challenges.
Call to Action or techniques to develop Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity skills:
Self-Reflection:
Allocate some time to contemplate and write about recent emotional experiences. Describe your emotions and reactions.
Exercise self-awareness and determine what causes those feelings. Emotions follow patterns as well. Pay attention to your emotional patterns.
S.W.O.T (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis is also beneficial if you practice it.
Building social awareness:
Exercise active listening to others
Empathize with others’ emotions.
Be sympathetic and considerate.
Decision- Making:
Attempt to base your decision-making on the principles of emotional maturity.
Strive to remember about the long-term effects of your actions.
Strive to act with honesty and rationality.
Resilience Building:
Learn to accept challenges as chances for development.
Learn from mistakes and failures.
Always try to view the world optimistically even at the worst of times.
Attempt to include these practices in your daily life so you can develop Emotional Intelligence / Emotional Maturity. Recall that Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity are not fixed traits. On the contrary, they are skills obtained over time through several methods and approaches.
Finally, it clearly appears that Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity are different from each other but harmony is created when these two are linked together. They are like superheroes striking an alliance in a comic strip. Emotional Intelligence helps us to take on the challenges today, whereas Emotional Maturity prepares us for the adventures of tomorrow. Together it helps us learn more about the inner voices and accept them. Combined, it makes us all friends with our inner voices. Through its union, we become stronger resulting in growth and development.
References
American Psychological Association. (2015). APA Dictionary of Psychology (2nd ed.).
Anand, P. V. (2017). Emotional intelligence: Journey to Self-positive. Readers Paradise.
Arasteh, M., & Seyedoshohadaei, S. A. (2018). The Relationship between Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity among Students of Kurdistan University of Medical Sciences. Journal of Ecophysiology and Occupational Health, 18(1-2), 31–37. https://doi.org/10.18311/jeoh/2018/21377
Backshei L. Relationship between emotional intelligence, mental health and academic achievement. Research in Educational Planning. 2008; 1(19).
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Book.
Goleman, D. (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.
Goleman D. Social Intelligence. Bantam Books. N.Y. 2007.
Herzberg’s Motivation-Hygiene Theory: Two-factor”. Education Library. 2021-03-31. Retrieved 2021-03-31.
Lerner, J.S., Li, Y., Valdesolo, P., Kassam, K.S. (2015). Emotion and decision making. Annual Review of Psychology, 66:33.1-33.25. In press
Author: Kanak Aggarwal,
Student, Department of Psychology, University of Delhi, India
