Managing Emotions

Emotional management is also known as emotional control.  It’s an important component in emotional intelligence and it’s the way in which you manage your emotions.  Emotional management begins with self-awareness and your ability to recognise your emotions – what they are and the impact that these feelings have on you and your behaviour.

Empathy focuses on the recognition of emotions of others and how you adapt and react to them.  How you manage your emotions to work with your empathy is part of your emotional control.

If you have high levels of emotional management, you’re able to recognise your emotions and you’re able to control them. You know what the emotion is going to do to you and how you’re going to respond to the emotion.  You’ll also know the impact that this emotion will have on other people in the way that you express it.  You’re able to select the emotional state that will allow you to have the results that you’re looking for.  Part of this management is managing the state in such a way that you can improve your behaviour, improve the way in which you interact with other people and so improve the results that you get through your relationships.

If you have low levels of emotional management, low levels of emotional control, your life and the results that you get will be controlled by your moods.  These will be triggered by external events. Your feelings, your thoughts, your behaviours and your performance are often perceived as being completely outside of your control.  The way in which you handle your emotions may differ from the way that other people handle their emotions. How you respond to circumstances is very much dependent upon who you are and your sensitivity at the time.  For example, if you’re hungry or if you’re tired or if you’re not feeling too well, your response may be very different from when you’re full of energy.

People fall into three distinctive styles for attending to and dealing with their emotions by:

1. being aware of them
2. being engulfed by them
3. accepting them.

Being Aware of Emotions

Individuals who are aware of their emotions are able to manage their emotions more easily because they’re able to reflect on them, manage them and work with them more effectively.  They’re able to recognise that they’re feeling a particular emotion at a certain time and why this is they have the ability to modify their emotions according to the circumstances and the people that they’re with.  By paying attention to your inner state in a non reactive, non judgmental way, the awareness that this brings can have a powerful effect on any strong adverse feelings.  The realisation that, “This is anger that I’m feeling” offers a great degree of freedom and empowerment.  Not just the option to act upon it, but the added option to try and let go of it. Mindfulness around emotions helps with emotional management, leading to autonomy, a more positive outlook and a good psychological health.

Being Engulfed by Emotions

Those who are engulfed by their emotions are not very aware of their feelings and so become lost in them, resulting in feelings of being completely overwhelmed, emotionally engulfed.  People are controlled by their moods and are helpless to do anything to change this. They have a sense of being out of control and they behave in unacceptable ways.

Being Accepting of Emotions

People who are accepting in the way in which they’re feeling and are accepting of their moods are clear about their feelings, but they also don’t try to change them or work with them in any way.  They say things like, “I know I’m going to feel sad, therefore I will feel sad, and it doesn’t matter what you say or how you respond to me, I will remain sad because that’s just the way I am“.

It’s important to make the distinction between being accepting of emotions and being resigned to them.  Accepting emotions does not mean being resigned to always feeling unpleasant, terrible, or wallowing in emotional pain.  It also doesn’t mean holding on to emotions. In some ways, accepting emotions means also accepting that emotions will change.

Feelings are fleeting can usually go away within seconds, minutes or hours.  Although for some people, particularly those who are depressed, this can stretch out over a much longer period of time.